Sick

I feel sick. And I know why.

Because there is a 99.78% chance that this time next week, I will be single. I'm most likely ending it with Lad, and the only way in hell that it isn't over is if he's willing to let me move out and in with a friend, do some serious growing up and shit, possibly some couples counseling, and with this I'd rather just call off the wedding and just casually date once in a while.

Because I don't see us being together anymore.

At least not as we currently are.

I need my independence, and a good kick in the rear to act like an adult. He needs to grow up. A lot. Neither of us is well suited to each other at this space in time and I'm not sure if we will be anytime soon.

I love him.

But we don't mesh well anymore and a lot has to change to make us mesh well again, and as we are we've gotten so comfortable that there's nothing giving either of us any motivation to change. We know we'll accept each others flaws to a retardedly ridiculous level and while we'll yell at each other for them, we never actually try to change ourselves for the better. We just say we're going to.

This is what I need...