Wednesday, April 23, 2008


Life is spiraling back down lately, and with it goes my mood. Lately, I've had more mood swings than I used to, and I don't like it at all. But this time, at least, I can pinpoint the majority of the reasons behind it.

1) We came awfully close to being evicted, all because my fiance's best friend ignored him when he told him to turn his amp down when playing guitar, so I got bombarded with phone calls and shit while I was at work and wound up crying in the change room for a little bit. NOT how a girl wants to spend her work time.

2) I came down with swollen tonsils, sore throat, congestion, and all that fun stuff the next day. And woke up the day after that with a horrible toothache. I'm typing now and not curled up in a corner whimpering because of Oragel. The tonsils are kinda coming and going, throat's only sore after I cough, but the cough I developed Friday/Saturday is worse than the toothache, and my ribs are so fucking sore.

3) Friday night our bathtub drain got clogged. It still isn't clear. Someone should be by tomorrow or the next day to unclog it, but it's driving me NUTS. ><; I want to take a fucking shower!

4) My laptop is being cruel and unusual. *Cries*

5) ...No sex. *Cries* Vibrators just aren't the same when you want to be pounded into and then cuddled in the aftermath.

In other news, that doesn't depress me...

On Monday, at work, I talked to a man for a good hour. At first it seemed fine and normal to me, he was nice and young so I had no problems answering questions about myself (Unlike questions from men my fathers age, which, while it may be biased, always freaks me a bit that they're asking about my sex life - My mind tries to superimpose my fathers face over theirs, and then I have to control the impulse to scream)...And then my little internal creep-dar started beeping. I don't know why the damn thing didn't kick in until then (Unless the cold syrup is the reason), but I started feeling on my guard. After several failed attempts at hitting on me later, and one insistence that his comment about how, if I ever want to fuck a man up the ass, I should call him, was a joke...He left. And then my mind started screaming about how I shouldn't tell strangers who know where I work so much about myself so freely. With people I talk to online it's different (Although I still refuse to give out my name), but he walked in off the street, a total stranger.

And now I'm scared, because he knows where I work and looking back he seemed rather...Intense. Focused. And while that can turn me on sometimes, with someone like him it just puts my hackles up.

What if this guy is like the boy that I had far too close of an experience with when I was sixteen? As it is, only one day do I leave the store alone at night, and now that the days are getting longer, when I leave on that solitary day the sun's still setting. I walk by multiple open businesses to get to my bus stop, one of which is a gas station so close to the bus stop that I can have conversations with the people working there while waiting for my bus. So why am I so worried, again?

Because I can't remember if I told him what area of town I live in. And there's only one mall in that area of town, and I definitely go there often...So I'm nervous. That he'll take the creepy an extra level.

I need to either calm my paranoia or do something about it...

Aside from that, I've been growing out the hair on my mound as a whim (Keeping the lips shaved, though, for some reason feeling my own hair brush my inner thighs squicks me out), and I'm starting to quite like it. Plus now if anyone who knows me intimately asks, yes, yes I do have naturally auburn hair. I'm still getting used to feeling it with my fingers though. But I do like it.

I bought several things from work on Friday and Saturday, not the least of which was a lovely Spartacus riding crop, but I'll babble on about those in their own post sometime in the next couple days.